The Brown Product Works

A salesman asked if we could look at an expensive off shore metal working product, which he felt was of a very simple formulation though vastly overpriced and tell him what was actually in it. We agreed and explained that it would be a "filler project" done on "spare time" for the lab staff so as to keep the costs within reason. A five-gallon pail of the brown, thin liquid product was delivered to the lab and the analysis process begun. After about two or so weeks the lab staff had obtained a virtual total "mass balance" and had accounted for 100% of the material's weight. The product was water and liquid soap made from vegetable oils. A test batch was made up from the materials on hand, green liquid hand soap and water. The green product was packed up and sent off for an "in plant" trial. Several days later the salesman returned with discouraging news, the product did not work like the brown. There were complaints from the shop workers about all sorts of minor details, which were not the same between the green and the authentic brown product. One of our more experienced chemists who had done much of the analysis voiced an opinion that he could probably "fine tune" the product and took the almost empty pail out to the lab. The second batch was prepared and shipped out for a second and this time successful plant trial.

When the salesman returned he was given the final formula that required the water, soap and if needed, red dye to ensure the product was brown not green.


Public Service

A "gentleman of the cloth" called our office to see if we could identify a material, which was appearing on the floor of the church hall. The source of the offending material and the responsibility for its removal had created arguments that had nearly come to blows between various members of his congregation who also belonged to several of the clubs using the church hall. A ballroom dance club claimed the material was "just dirt" tracked in "on those fancy boots" of the square dance club. The minister presented to us a bag of sweepings that although containing the usual tracked in soils also contained considerable quantities of the material in question. Examination of the floor sweepings at low power magnification indicated a goodly portion of granular hard wax beads as is found in most ballroom dance floor waxes.